Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

We thought the day was just minutes away from being over for us. We had only shortly before returned home from a gathering to pray for a friend who is facing the uncertainty of serious heart surgery. Her faith and peace inspired us. It was an evening of reassurance of God's love for each one of us.... when one phone call changed everything.

Now here I sit, still awake as the clock ticks further and further into the new day. My husband has gone to be with another family as they wait in fear, and I can not sleep as I rehearse the effects of sin all around me. I am tempted to wave a white flag in the face of sin and the devil...I give up, you win! The verse from 1 Peter comes into my mind..."Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour." Yes, I feel my strength is waning. But then the next verse continues, "Take a firm stand against him and be strong in your faith." But I feel weary and I plead for God's help to be strong.

Tonight a young man's life is in the balance. The doctors say they have done all they can do and they do not know if it is enough. A young man's live may end because of a game. Just a few months ago, I received an email that cut through my heart with the kind of pain that at the time you feel certain it will never cease or even ease. A sudden and devastating loss because of the thrill of a motorcycle. A dear relative has struggled for months to defend his reputation against lies and deception, a good man fighting the force of evil.

My struggles seem insignificant compared to these, but they weigh me down all the same. And added to them is the weight of helplessness to make any difference for my friends and relatives in dire straits. But while despair calls my name, I also hear the voice of love calling me to be strong....to be strong in my faith. I choose tonight to listen to the voice of love.

A decade and a half ago, my heart was well protected. Relationships were shallow and life just was. Each day flowing into the next without a sense of purpose or meaning....except to keep up the pretense of a perfect life. But God was not content to leave me there with a perfect facade covering such great imperfection and poverty of soul. I now revel in relationships....not only with those on this journey, but also with God. My once hardened heart now feels...and it hurts. Though I may contemplate an escape from the pain, I know that I can never go back.

Life is just hard. And that's why the verse I began with means so very much to me. I have a bottle that I keep on the shelf over my computer. It's delicate, less than 2 inches tall. When I first saw it earlier this year, my first thought was that it should contain a genie. But no, it contained something much more precious than a genie. It contained a promise from God that my sorrows do not escape His attention. This bottle reminds me that God is well aware of my tears and his power, grace, love and comfort are mine, if I will just receive them from his hand.

Tonight, I took that bottle down from the shelf one more time...thankful for a God that understands and is patient with my questions and my doubts. I am very thankful for that tonight. The big challenges and the small challenges seem to pile up in my heart and threaten to crowd out faith. But then I see the bottle...blue and purple glass trimmed in gold....and I am reminded of God's care. I still feel the sting of a friend's neglect. I still feel the bite of being slighted and marginalized. I still know the disappointments of today which are the result of yesterday's bad decisions. But I make a conscious, purposeful choice to turn my gaze toward Jesus..."the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful man, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:2-3).

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you."

2 Corinthians 4:6-18 "For God, who said, 'Let there be light in the darkness,' has made us understand that this light is the brightness of the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. But this precious treasure - this light and power that now shine within us - is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be obvious in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but it has resulted in eternal life for you. But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, "I believed in God, and so I speak." We know that the same God who raised our Lord Jesus will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself along with you. All of these things are for your benefit. And as God's grace brings more and more people to Christ, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever."