Contentment

Contentment...is elusive. Now there's a news flash for everyone, isn't it?

I have to admit that I have a pretty wide perfectionist streak, and I attribute way too much value to what others think about me. Until today, I never thought of that as actually a problem of discontentment. It's my lack of contentment that makes me want to control everything so my 'world' will be perfect...including your perception of me. But the thought that my world really can be perfect is an illusion and my attempts to control everything to make it perfect will only 'crash and burn' leaving me feeling disappointed, crushed, self-critical...and too often, hopeless.

For all my desire to surrender every aspect of my life to God, I find it a daily...no minute by minute....struggle.

I am today in the middle of a three day vacation. Supposedly I am taking time to relax and enjoy being removed from the daily grind. I am finding it a very difficult thing to do. How does one stop the racing of the mind? How do I effectively 'let go' of pursuing perfection in my life...of trying to reach a contentment that comes only when the externals are in line with my expectations? I type that even as I know that the externals will never line up with my expectations..and if they did, I would only create more expectations! So why allow this insanity to continue?

An article that I read this morning said......"As we surrender and reframe, we conform our hearts to the heart of Jesus and learn to see ourselves as the Father sees us, as his beloved, as receivers of gifts piled higher than any Christmas "haul." This is why Jesus says "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33). It is the way to contentment. Thankfully, His kingdom is not outside of ourselves, in circumstances we mistakenly think we can control. The Kingdom of God is within us (Luke 17:21). Let us live in that good news."

It would be very nice to be able to 'decide and then live out' that surrender. I know...believe with all my heart...that that is truth. Holy Spirit, give me grace to indeed live in that state of surrender that I receive all your gifts with an attitude of thankfulness. ALL your gifts, even if they don't fit into my idea of perfection for my life. An attitude of gratitude.

Here's a link to the article that got me thinking this morning. http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001716.cfm